|
Home >>Spokepersons
SAC-AIDS SPOKESPERSON
Michelle Lopez
 Michelle emigrated from Trinidad at the age of sixteen, and has made her home in New York City ever since. Diagnosed with HIV after the birth of her second child, Ms. Lopez fought the loneliness and isolation that accompanied that diagnosis and became not only an advocate for herself and her daughter, but for other immigrants and women living with HIV.
In the past 13 years, she has been involved with over 40 different organizations, either in an advisory or board capacity. In 1996, she organized with other community activists to form the Bronx Lesbian & Gay Health Resource Consortium. She joined the board of directors for Bronx AIDS Services in 2000, and worked with other mothers throughout New York City to found JUST KIDS, a not-for-profit serving children affected by HIV and AIDS.
Michelle tells her story in her own words (Personal Bio from "The Body" website): "I got tested because someone that I was having a sexual relationship with died from the AIDS virus. His brother actually had run into me in downtown Brooklyn and gave me this news. But that was not the person who actually infected me.
My daughter, Raven, was born in June 1990 -- I had her tested at the age of 18 months. When her results came back positive, I had had no kind of sexual relationship then with anyone but her dad from the time I got pregnant with her until the time she was born. I decided, "Well, let me go contact him," under the impression that I might have infected him. It was not until I notified him that both his daughter and I had tested positive that he blatantly said to me, "Ain't life a bitch. You know how long I have been living with this?" He found out, incidentally, when I was four months pregnant, that he had contracted the HIV virus and never told me anything.
I really have to say that, back in 1991, it was very hard for African-American men to come forward. We were both active users of cocaine. He was my cocaine partner. I think it was not in an atmosphere or a situation that was feasible for him to tell me.
We were both victims of systems. In my pregnancy, I had health insurance. I was working in a very well-known, prominent hospital, and I think that because I was in that category of "private insurance," even though I was enrolled in a high-risk clinic because of my drug use, I was never offered an HIV test. I could have made use of the AZT [zidovudine, Retrovir] regimen that was available to pregnant women at that time and protected my daughter from the virus. That's why I said we were victims of systems that failed us.
When I was first diagnosed, every bit of fear came into me because I am an immigrant -- not an American citizen. I did not have a green card at that time. I was also being severely battered in a household with someone who was another drug abuser. So I was just under the impression that "Oh, my God, they're going to take my kids away from me. These kids are American citizens. They're going to take my kids away from me and they're going to deport me." So it was major fear.
It changed over time. The organization where I got tested and got into supportive services did a wonderful job ensuring that no part of my care would be linked to the Immigration and Naturalization Services -- from legal services to housing support to family counseling. It's what I call "the menu" -- when you get diagnosed, if you have access to these services, it tends to give you a better perspective: "I can fight this. I can do this." The other part was, I was introduced to a community of people who were living with the virus. And I gotta say, in fact, that it was gay white men that I befriended. And also, I attended this conference that the New York State AIDS Institute had. So I had an opportunity to meet other people who were living with the virus, who were having a very hard time because, back then, what did we have? But they were learning about medications and services, and funding was now being allocated, and it was these people that gave me hope. That gave me support. It made it easier for me. "
My immigrant status, my drug use. You know, I always tend to say, "Oh, I didn't do crack. I wasn't a crack head." I used to sniff cocaine. I used to transport drugs for drug dealers, and that was my method of survival. I did engage in sex work for a period of time where it was in like an escort capacity. So I always felt like, "Oh, I did it in a much better class." But you know what? An addict is an addict. A sex worker is a sex worker. And so I think I just choose these comfort zones so as not to deal with this whole notion of "I am better than" or "I am somebody." Because no matter what, when I was homeless, when I was out there using myself up, nobody was better than me.
My self-esteem also made me submissive to a lot of abuse, and being an immigrant in this country, knowing that I had this strike against me. And still today I cannot get a green card because of a horrible congressional law in Congress called the HIV ban. We must get the United States to lift that ban because it affects immigrants living here. There is still a tremendous amount of work that needs to be done, and I say, "Stay tuned. Because Congress is going to lift that ban and it's going to be Michelle Lopez that is going to lead that campaign. And I'm going to win!"
|
